Sunday, January 11, 2009
working in a kitchen is so damn fun.
it's totally different from other working places.
we scold each other, fuck each other.
and we call that team bonding.
but it's just totally true.
we joke around, point out each other mistakes.
that includes even the chef.
but of cause with some respect.
in this kitchen, i found back the feeling of going to work everyday.
we help each other, tiring but felt worth it.
during this past month, i created a fucking big mess in my life.
my family, my relationship.
big fuck. yes, so big that till now i can't clean up the mess.
my family now still not so bad. but her.
i just felt so different.
i miss the days where i get to disturb her or so called "bully"
and she trys to do the same back to me.
but i doubt i will ever have it back.
but nevermind, as long as the relationship is stable.
work is now a big part of me.
it just help me cover up all the things i don't wish to think about.
work and work, slogging my ass off.
i'm just afraid one day i will tired myself out.
but i don't think that day will come.
no matter how tired i am. i still have 5 hours of sleep and just enough to keep me going.
i bet she doesn't knows how happy i was that she was back.
i bet she doesn't knows how much i miss her this few days.
some might say it's just a few days only, don't be silly.
but to me, it's different when i intend to give my everything into this relationship.
that's how i love someone.
i'm just a person who keeps learning things through mistakes.
how much did i gain from learning, or i lost more making the mistakes.
if i didn't fail in poly, i will never gone to shatec.
if i didn't go to shatec, i will never learn much about the outside world,
i will never work part time in baden.
if i never work in baden, i will never get to know her.
4 years. i brought my life over to a world i never ever thought i would be in.
4 years. i tried to find myself.
4 years. i tried to redeem myself.
i've no idea why i wrote so much in this post.
but i just want to keep writing.
i don't want to bottle up my feelings anymore.
i felt so heavy inside.
so tired.
so tired.
i just hope she doesn't treat me so coldly anymore.
my heart can't take it.
it freezes me so hard that a single knock will break it into many pieces.
