Life now is nothing but just school and work.
sometimes. i just feel why am i doing all these to torture myself.
damn shagged alr.

yet every single time i told myself,
if i can't handle this for 2 months,
there's nothing else i can do.
so just stop whining and complaining.



had been staying in class during lunch break for quite a few days just to take an hour nap.
i hae never been so tired before.
i need a strong mind. greater determination.
just less than 2 months.
and to complete another year of attacment.
plus 2 more years of army life.
then maybe i go overseas to work.
3 years to leave everything should be sufficient.
to forget things that should be forgotten.
to let go of things that will never be yours.


actually i had 2 plans in mind.
plan A.
hopefully i get lucky.
i secure a place in the air force as pilot in army.
i sign on for few more years.
i convert to be a commerical pilot.
fly from place to place.
find a place i want to settle down in.
open my own restaurant.
however. getting into airforce will not be easy.
plus i might not even have any chance in.

plan B
i work on cruise or go overseas.
experience and learn.
travel around.
and still open my own restaurant.


hopefully either one works.
this is my resolve.

1:59 AM

damn shagged today.










从前的快乐眼神, 如今只剩下悲伤.
默默地望着你的背影慢慢地消失.

4:00 AM

Flowerpot - Alex of Clazziquai.

He’s approaching from a far far distance
How am I to express my shaking heart
Stole my heart from the very start
And gave me an illness that I cannot recover from

I want to become a flower pot
I pray all the time
I want to become a flowerpot …that stands on his small window sill
Even if I won’t be able to say a word or expect anything
From time to time, I’ll receive his smile and caresses
And just watch his sleeping face

He’s leaving very far far far away
How am I suppose to soothe
These falling tears
Stole my heart from the very start
And gave me an illness that I cannot recover from

I want to become a flower pot
I pray all the time
I want to become a flowerpot …that stands on his small window sill
Even if I won’t be able to say a word or expect anything
From time to time, I’ll receive his smile and caresses
And just watch his sleeping face

I want to become a flowerpot …that stands on his small window sill
Even if I won’t be able to say a word or expect anything
From time to time, I’ll receive his smile and caresses
And just watch his sleeping face
-------------------------------------------------------------------
i just love this song.

1:03 AM

went kbox with baobei and gang.
then to her house for mahjong session till morning.
a day where everything else was forgotten.


was told that my grandma was hospitalised.
reason: heartbeat stopped for awhile. weak heart.
i clearly remember the days spent with her.
although i had not been visiting her quite frequently this few years.
she took great care for us when we were young.
her heartbeat stopped once more in the hospital.
heard that they will have to add some device to the heart to aid its beating.



"i fear no death except the ones of my family and friends."

12:54 AM

just how stupid can i be.

quoted from a friend.



however is it too late now.
if someone could just tell me.

7:31 PM

kbox night.

my friend was telling me all night about working on cruise.
i thought of it before.
but.
i just can't imagine myself there.
with no family, just colleagues.
and doesn't that just contradicts about what i said to forgo parents for career.
if i could get a place, maybe i will try it out during my attachment.

i need to give some serious thoughts.
or perhaps some thinking will change in the future.
what am i.

12:57 AM

Just another day of school.

everytime i saw you, there is a rush of wanting to talk to you.
but i just don't know what to say.
all i could do is to wave or just say hi.
i just dont know the reason why.
i think i kind of like you.



had a long chat with xiao mei last night.
i realised i didnt like to find gfs, or should i say.
i prefer girls to pick me.
is it practically being lazy or just my character.
i have no answer.
xiao mei said this type needs to wait.
but right now it doesn't matter if there will be any for me.
afterall i have decided to even forgo my parents for career.
it may sounds like i'm an unfilial child.
but to me, being useless with no future is already one.
it just seems like every decision made had changed me.
even my friends said i did.
i guess i'm no more like before.


when everything crashes down.
i become another person.
cause the other me is just too weak to handle.

5:59 PM

Hectic timetable.
Warning!
Not for the weak.

Having lessons from 8 to 6 is fking tiring.








after some thoughts, it's still you
PZZLE, and U are the missing piece.

4:07 AM

Day 1.

Lesson's boring.
introduction and introduction.
long hours in school. Tiring.

Went kbox with caiyun and gang.
fun but tired.





some things might change.
but the feelings are still there.

12:38 AM

and again.


school re-opens tml.
lesson schedule freaking long.
i guess i'll be sleeping most of the time in class.






life's as boring as ever.

4:54 PM

comprehensive.

1:29 AM

comprehensive.
kind of making everyone nervous.


i just realised i'm getting more and more fickle-minded.
or maybe my attention span is getting freaking low.
i just can't do things for too long, like 15 mins or lesser?

dreams and dreams.
i always thought i just wanted a simple life till i die.
but life ain't simple, neither do i.
definitely there's a dream which i wanted to fulfill.
a dream to help fulfill most people's dream,
to travel the world but as a chef.
yea, my progress may be slow.
however there will be someday, seriously speaking.
right now, i'm thinking to just intending to fly by myself.
maybe i haven't found anyone special yet.
or maybe i do, but it doesn't matter now.
some things maybe for granted but definitely i'm not going be one.




i vowed to myself.
the promises. but one by one.
they played on me.
then to myself i thought,
that's it.

1:09 AM

kenneth

791988

let my heartbeat be my heart's cry let me live to serve your call
in my life, You're my only one

你現在正收聽 Jason Walker - Down.


facethetruth-
extreme hypocrisy.
devil's cry. angel's smile.

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