my nonsense

2010-06-05T01:44:00.000+08:00

I lived, learnt, loved and lost.

2010-04-25T04:57:00.002+08:00

am i pushing myself too hard?
maybe it's just because i didn't try hard in the past.
i just want to perfect in everything now.

but reality is cruel....
who really understand?
who even cares?

somehow, it's time to lax.
lay back and observe.
perhaps i'll learn better that way.
like always.

there's so many other things on my mind.
but who else can i talk to.

2010-04-11T21:32:00.002+08:00

POP-ed!

currently on my block leave.
sunday night, no book in.
perhaps that's why i'm feeling so lost.
a week's time free for myself.

the lazy me has been trying to take control.
i had left my cheesecake project aside for the past 2 days.
have to push myself further for a breakthrough.
crust yet to be confirmed, more flour or less flour?
pricing needs to be calculated.
needs to source for boxes for my cheesecakes.
so many things to be done.
how i wish there's someone to talk to now.
no exact topic, just random chat about my life.

went for a run with my elder brother just now.
had a short chat with him and it just feels great.
i felt a load lifted off from me.
i seriously think being away from my family makes me wants to be closer to them.
humans. just so ironic.

Quote of the day,

"Life's an irony. Every step closer is just another step backwards. When things
gets tense up, take a step away and you will find the way to move ahead. "

2010-03-28T18:27:00.002+08:00

4 months.

since everything changes.
piece by piece, everything i had just started crumbling down.
but now..
i'm still standing.
humans. the power of their body and mind.
stronger than one could think of.

2 more weeks to POP.
life to me now is like mystery box filled with different events, happenings.
opening it everyday is an excitement.
never knowing what is going to come.
but still holding on to the courage to stand up.
facing everyday whether good or bad.

close friends and I had decided on starting our business alr.
and preps are on the way.
online first. before we hit the market out there.
the fighting spirit that had never been so strong b4.
it's time to stand up once again.
like a man, to think for himself, to live for himself.

2010-01-01T22:04:00.001+08:00

perhaps. there will be one day when i will be able to totally forget.

perhaps. that day will never come.

Do you remember the path where we met,
Long, long ago,
Long, long ago?
That's when you told me you would not forget,
Long, long ago,
Long ago.
Then, to all others my smile you preferred,
Love, when you spoke, gave a charm to each word,
Still my heart treasures the praises I heard,
Long, long ago,
Long ago.

2009-12-25T23:44:00.002+08:00

finally back home after 2 weeks of army life.
so glad to be back. time for no exercise and more rest.
good things in army. no more flu or cough.
but muscle aches everywhere.
2 weeks passed.
more weeks to go.
and i still misses you.

2009-12-11T01:21:00.001+08:00

goodbye old kenneth.
everything might have changed when i'm in there.
but i left my heart with you.

2009-12-05T14:03:00.002+08:00

if there's still a chance.
i want to hold on to you till the end of time.
cause deep down in my heart, i know...
i just want to be by your side, to love you, to hold you, to share everything that i have with you.

2009-11-06T08:50:00.002+08:00

when all the msges i send last night was just a facade.
it really hurts deep down inside.
too much for me to handle.
i felt so lost with no one to turn to.
after all there's no one that could help me make it better.
went for a run cause i just didnt want to stay at home.
ran aimlessly round and round my estate.
i guess i ain't that strong.

2009-11-05T19:25:00.000+08:00

Thanks alot.

2009-11-04T09:33:00.003+08:00

i felt my life was in a mess. and so is my room.
it's time to clean up. perhaps end of this month.
after i quit my job to get prepared for ns.
and it's 37 days more to go.

if you still reads this blog,
girl, no matter what problems you have, i will always be the first to be there for you.
perhaps, it was work or any other reasons, but it just seems to me that i had be taken out from your life. i'm left with this 1 month and yet you are still busy. i think it will be quite a long time to be able to meet you after i enlist. but till then, take care and stay cheerful =)

2009-11-03T02:20:00.002+08:00

let me tell you a joke.
Me, myself, kenneth wong.

i just find myself damn pathetic.
i seriously failed as a son, a boyfriend, a whatever i am.
desperately trying to fill my schedule up so that i won't start thinking too much.
yes, i'm a joke. laugh at me.

2009-11-02T04:47:00.002+08:00

无论如何, 我都要撑下去...

40 more days to go.
i shall give myself a chance to believe in myself.
that things will turn out fine.
29 more working days.
10 days of rest.
and i shall move on to another chapter in life.

what are the sacrifices in life that we had to make.
what is more important to us.
what is worth going on for.
most of the times, there are things in life which we can't balance.
and we have to sacrifice one, believing they can be more understanding.
whatever decisions, i trust wholeheartly.

2009-11-01T00:32:00.001+08:00

spoilt my day.
and there all goes with the stupid rain.
am i asking too much?

2009-10-25T03:21:00.002+08:00

fast or slow.
i wondered.
finally something i've wanted to get over with it is around the corner.
just 46 days more.
it gonna be another life-changing experience.

i won't say it was bad that i had dropped out from poly 2 years back.
now, i had experienced more things,
had a group of buddies,
had a wonderful gf although we don't had much chance meeting up often now.
just like in the past,
everyone just gets busy.
right now, i shall just wait patiently till Dec 11.
working my days away, hanging out with pat, bryan and gang.
waiting for someday when my busy gf gets a little time out for me.
i shall just enjoy this little process of 46 days.
perhaps i was like the guy in this movie 'Click'
always trying to forward things.
in the end i miss out the process within.
the moments of happiness and laugther.
but thats just how humans learn.
mistakes.
everytime i thought about the past, i realised,
"oh, i should be doing it this way." or "Why did i do that"
but, everything's too late.
i just hope for the every next time, i get a chance to do things right.
i had emo-ed, and i 've thought through.
when nothing waits for you, you just have to keep moving on.
no one pities you for the mistakes you had made.
everyone had their own.
anyway, it's for to sleep.
just some thoughts to myself.
let's move on together.

2009-10-20T02:09:00.002+08:00

52 days more to more and more book-ins.
i wonder what will happen next.
i think i will miss her alot.
anyway.
...........................

2009-09-19T23:21:00.002+08:00

here it comes again.
why do i keep falling ill.
so hard to concentrate at work with that stupid running nose.
feeling so tired. time for an early rest.

2009-09-10T16:36:00.002+08:00

Happy 21st to me =)

to my beloved girlfriend who bluff me about not coming, <3 I love you <3
thanks for coming, you cheered me up.

decided to meet up on saturday to celebrate my 21st.

had some laughter and screaming at mind's cafe.

then went to plasma for some drinking session.

which i went drunk...

thanks all for coming to celebrate my birthday with me.

how i miss the days when we always went down to plasma to drink and have fun.

a simple celebration for a simple me with my beloved girlfriend and such wonderful friends.

2009-08-19T03:32:00.002+08:00

all-night cough, continuous runny nose, stupid backache, damn headache, thousand and one burns on my hands.
these days, i wonder why i just felt like breaking down.
although there's only one month left.
hanging on for so long, every single problem is back again.
i felt so sick but i don't want to take mc and stay at home alone.
so many things kept to myself, no one to talk to.
sometimes i felt that i'm the best liar in the world.
cos i can even lie to myself without blinking my eye.
how long more can i last.

18 days more. how i wish that day can just go away.

2009-08-12T22:15:00.002+08:00

wed aug 12.
it's my offday again.
didn't want to be alone at home.
went to ntu to find terence.
wanted to experience some uni life.
but sadly, his only lecture for the day is cancelled.
had lunch there and stayed at his hostel.
uni life seems fun, but i won't get to experience it.
another offday over.
7 more offdays to go.

2009-08-06T05:36:00.001+08:00

everything will be over soon...
just a couple of months more....

2009-08-04T23:46:00.001+08:00

what's most important in life.
what drives me to my fullest potential.
i guess is just u.

2009-07-30T00:53:00.002+08:00

it is fixed destiny or karma from what's done.
life and death.

2009-07-27T08:32:00.002+08:00

Mr Thumb,
I'm so sorry for scalding you yesterday at work.
I apologise for my carelessness and hope you will recover quickly.
Sorry Mr Thumb.

2009-07-18T05:01:00.003+08:00

learning is a journey which never ends.

It has been 2 years plus since i had started on my journey away from the comfortable Singaporean kid life.
I left poly, applied for SHATEC and joined Secret Recipe, my first F&B line.
Although i had applied for culinary skills, i started work as a service crew.
Working then was my life, especially after my break-up.
Even though i was just a part-timer, i worked close to 12 hours daily.
School starts after 3 months.
It was another type of life for me.
I explore things which i had never done before.
I met different types of people, people which are so different from I had ever met.
It was like a whole new experience which i would never thought of.
Soon, life at SHATEC was my everything.
With my buddies in school, we studied together, flirt with girls together.
I never expect something else till i started work at Baden.
I met this girl.
I thought liking her was just another normal thing.
besides ,at that moment, she was also having her own relationship problem.
so, i would just spend my time accompanying her, cheering her up.
Was it really fate, or just purely coincidence.
October 7, attachment had just started and i decided to meet up with 2 of my friends for a drink.
I forgot why i was with her. but i brought her along to drink.
and with no reason why, my friend just kind of got us together.
and that's how we started.
for the first 2 months, both of us were so happy together.
but perhaps, i never had once past a 2 month relationship.
problems surfaced.
she avoided me for a month, the month which i had tried so hard just to get a few minutes of her time to talk to her.
maybe it wasn't time for us to end.
we got back together. 4th month 5th month....
with a few quarrels here and there, i was contented with her by my side.
till 1, 2 month ago,
perhaps she wasn't in a good mood, plus i was having problems with my attachment.
i had a big quarrel with her. i hurt her with my words.
by the time, i could calm down and think. it was too late.
words that had been said can't be taken back.
although things had been cleared out and she didn't bother about me.
i know in her heart she does.
recently she just started attachment.
maybe she was too tired or is there other reason.
i had not seen her for 3 weeks.
i thought about it.
perhaps it's a test for me.
another learning experience of life.
starting a relationship is about love.
maintaining one is about trust and understanding.
to foster a relationship which could last forever is something i'm learning now.
this 2 years of life experience, no matter what's the result, i've gained.

September is around the corner.
people have asked me how i'm going to celebrate my 21st birthday.
to me, birthday should be an event extremely important to a person.
but right now, i only wish to celebrate with that very one person in my life, her.
with her by my side beats the celebration, the presents i could get.
If I can plan my own birthday, I just want to spend my whole day with her.

to my buddies, to her.
CHEERS! to every good things in life.

2009-07-17T05:33:00.002+08:00

i miss your smile.
i miss your laughter.
i miss the smell of your hair.
i miss the purple dinosaur.
i miss you.

2009-06-17T07:23:00.002+08:00

work. has been so tiring.
with my back ache. but i can pull through.
suddenly, this thing came to my mind.
failure, am i one or am i not.
the answer is Not yet.
how can i be a failure when i still have a long way to go in life.
how ridiculous of me to think of myself as one in the past.
there can be miracles when you believe.

1 week of reflecting.
life ain't bad at all.
other than tiredness from work, i've started to love my life.
however i'm missing this girl of mine.
i've been thinking why.
why things have been so different.
what's gone wrong.
perhaps being human. greed, one of the 7 sins.
we just expect more.
i agreed. i did expect more from her.
from the selfless one, to the one who demands and craves for the constant care and attention.
i'm the source of the problem
happiness is contagious.
one have to be happy to give happiness.
one have to give happiness to attain more happiness.
giving doesn't necessary mean instant payout, it runs a long way.
i once depicted myself as a clown.
one who sacrifices oneself to give joy and happiness to others.
but it was such a long time ago.
selflessness.
i have lost this character of mine in vain of searching for success.
it was a long time since i had refused to give.
i have enlightened selflessness.
it's time to cultivate and make use of it.
being able to smile everyday is a gift from heaven.
and i haven't been using it.
no wonder, life been so tough for me.

enlighten me..

2009-06-13T05:56:00.002+08:00

so many thoughts ran through my head.
so many questions i asked myself.
but when will i get my answers.

i read the book.
i meditate.
i reflect on myself.
but i just don't understand.
what is life to me.
which is the path for me.
what is right and what is wrong.
3 years back when i was still in poly studying design.
i asked myself, what is the definition of beauty in design.
till now i don't have my answer.
few weeks back, i asked her.
how do you state that a high heel shoe is nice.
is there really such a thing called talent for taste.
tell me. what's my definition?
what's the definition of my life?

2009-06-08T03:47:00.002+08:00

what's wrong with me.
why do you keep hurting your love ones.
i went to the library today and this book just caught my eye.
"Choosing Happiness"
i didn't touch this book after i borrowed it.
till after she talked to me on msn.
i still don't get how i was wrong.
but i do know, the problem lies with me.
page by page, i read through the book.
then i stopped at this subtitle "Look for patterns"
no matter what quarrels, what arguments.
it just seems that everything just started with me.
i continued reading till another subtitle "You are not the centre of the universe."
i asked myself. Am i?
all along i was just purely stubborn.
from young, the only thing my mum dislike about me is my stubbornness.
i didn't knew from when but my mum started to said i'm arrogant, selfish to only think for myself.
yes, i am. i am arrogant. i thought i was the best, the biggest when i'm only nothing.
all i did was just complain and complain.
and to blame on others, to hurt the ones i love.
i've changed so much that i don't even know myself.
i despise myself.
how did i even become like that.
i rejected everyone who cared for me.
i hurt them by saying they doing not care for me,
when they truly do.
just because they didn't give my expected care.
i was stubborn to insist the care i expected.
i was selfish to think only for myself and yet to blame others.
i don't like myself.
i hate myself.
every single thing that happened to me today is because of the actions i did, the words i said.
all the quarrels, the termination.
yet i blame everyone but myself.
i was such a fool, an idiot.

to the girl which i love and hurt so much:
sorry was the last word you needed.
i know i had hurt you too much.
so much that you gave up on me.
i denied the care you gave me.
i hurt you with my stubbornness.
i made you cry with my bad temper.
the happiness which i had once promised to give you was destroyed with my own hands.
i dare not to hope for your forgiveness.
but i have decided to change not only for you and the ones who cared for me.
i only wish you can wait for me.

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Till I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, me"

2009-05-05T00:13:00.003+08:00

Long weekend.

thank god. it's over.

but it was fun.

went to look for candy at her friend's birthday chalet.

and the first thing i saw was a sea cow aka dewgong.

that night was damn funny though tired.

had a walk on the beach with my girl.

haha. throwing stones in the sea after 4, 5 years not doing so.

i'm so lousy at it.

2009-04-30T02:45:00.002+08:00

how long more...
it seems like a paradise that can't be reached.
i can't hold on any longer.
and i wonder how did i spend my money.
only the first week and none was left.
sometimes i felt like crying,
sometimes i felt like killing myself.
i'm just a failure.

2009-04-28T02:18:00.002+08:00

爱上了一个人

能够为她牺牲

就算付出了生命

我甘心为了

你两个人在一起

分享爱的命运

永远都不会忘记

我们生活点滴

你是我最深爱的女人

你有最美丽的嘴唇

你拥有最动人的眼神

你带给我幸福和快乐

我是你最深爱的男人

我的爱绝对是永恒

做什么都值得

爱上了一个人

The only song to the only candy in my heart.

cause 你是我最深爱的女人.

beautiful sunday,

beautiful candy,

beautiful moments.

i just love this girl.

2009-04-23T02:56:00.002+08:00

Love is just something so magical.

slept at 3am the previous night,
and i was able to wake up at 730am by myself just before the alarm rings.
continued doing by salad for dear which i prepared the previous night.
all her favourites, strawberries, raisins, salad.

had some fun helping her in her fundraising.
though i dont like some things i see.
but forget it.

she waited for me to end work.
cooked pasta for her dinner.
yummy was what she said.
but i find it so-so only.

I truly enjoyed my days these past few month.
i can say my happiest period in my 20 over years of living.
meeting you was a blessing.
having you was simply god's gift.
and i just simply love you.

2009-04-20T01:31:00.003+08:00

Dedicated to my dearest Candy

When we turn out the lights

The two of us alone together

Something's just not right

But girl you know that

I would never ever let another's touch

Come between the two of us

'Cause no one else will ever take your place

No one else comes close to you

No one makes me feel the way you do

You're so special girl to me

And you'll always be eternally

Everytime I hope you near

You always say the words I love to hear

Girl with just a touch, you can do so much

No one else comes close

And when I wake up to

The touch of your head on my shoulder

You're a dream come true, yeah

Oh girl you know I'll always treasure

Every kiss and every day I love you girl in every way

And I always will 'cause in my eyes

No one else comes close to you

No one makes me feel the way you do

You're so special girl to me

And you'll always be eternally baby

Everytime I hope you near

You always say the words I love to hear

Girl with just a touch, you can do so much

Oh baby baby

No one else comes close to you

No one makes me feel the way you do

You're so special girl to me

And you'll always be eternally baby

Everytime I hope you near

You always say the words I love to hear

Girl with just a touch, you can do so much

No one else comes close

2009-04-15T02:20:00.002+08:00

dear, i'm sorry.
was in a bad mood just now.

i felt so useless. 21 year old guy who don't even have to money to feed himself.
fk the attachment. fk everything.
why can't i even support myself.
i don't want to get money from my parents, i don't want to use your money.
but sometimes i even scolded myself.
fked up. useless shit.

2009-04-12T07:14:00.002+08:00

i just love hugging her and sleep.
no idea why but i can just doze off in a couple of minutes.
nothing beats having her in my arms.
<3 you.

it was another enjoyable night at St James.
it's always enjoyable being with her. loved it.

2009-04-08T03:05:00.006+08:00

my words

" Happy 6 month, my dear.
Having you was what more than i had wish for.
There is nothing more that i could give to you,
Only all of my love, care and concern. "

3 - I love you
9 - An eternal love, together as long as we live
12 - Be mine

woke up early, planning what i should do for the day.
none of the idea seems feasible.
rush down to west mall. got a bouquet of 9 roses.
was walking around, reading books in the library.
her lessons are just so long, but it gave me time to prepare.
lessons ended. SURPRISE!!
she was stunned for a moment. still had that moment in my mind.
i was glad she was so happy.
i enjoyed my day, and delighted that she enjoyed hers and the flowers.
that's what more important to me, she loved it.

her words

" thanks for everything. really love it.
and enjoy the time together with you.
and i am sorry for the days i ignored you.
i will treat you like what i did today.
but for the bullying, i try to cut down a bit.
muacks. love you. "

I love you. =)))

2009-04-05T23:21:00.006+08:00

so many things which i did,
i never felt so much happier than i'm now.
i guess that's because of you.

Happy 6 month =)

我爱你 <3<3<3

2009-03-28T04:16:00.001+08:00

i should just stop planning.
nothing goes right.

2009-03-19T01:20:00.002+08:00

falling sick.
ulcers in my mouth.
dont feel like eating already.
sleep is a luxury that i cannot have.
i need more time.

march april may june july august september october.

2009-03-17T02:59:00.002+08:00

I'm a happy man.
It just seems like my troubles all went away.
I just love to be with her.
The feeling is just so great.

I want to be with her till as long as i can live.
I will do whatever it takes, no matter how hard it is.

2009-03-15T04:01:00.001+08:00

i so bored.
maybe what chef said was true.
we just have no life, not much friends.
it's home alone again.
boring.

2009-03-14T03:29:00.002+08:00

will i succeed.
will she be there.
will things work out fine.

some things are getting out of my mind.
some things doesn't matter anymore.
some things i don't wish to lose.
some things i want to achieve.
some things are all the i've got.

i tried to be more open.
i tried to prove myself.
i tried to be more ambitious.
i tried to work harder.

but reality prove me wrong.

nevertheless.
I will never give up Again.
never is a harsh word.
but it shows my resolve.
this time round i will make it.
with or without. her.
I believe with my own strength.
It's time for me to prove myself right.

2009-03-13T03:50:00.000+08:00

into different directions.

all the best.

2009-02-25T15:27:00.002+08:00

is it over?

i've been thinking.
will it be the best way for both of us.
i'm still waiting. and im wondering if i should.
i guess she has been busy.
studies, health and whatever other things.
perhaps all these things are lesson which i never learnt from previously.
and things just keep repeating.
or are these retribution from what i have done.

anyway, ns has been coming up to me.
i think i will be in end of this year or early next year.
i guess i'll have to face this alone.
and after this, i'll be in another new world.

i guess i'm not the one for you.
i had my happiest moments with you.
see ya if we ever meet again.
take care of yourself.

2009-02-21T03:16:00.002+08:00

sometimes,
i wonder what am i working so hard for.
trying so hard to go the extra mile.
in return, all i get is shit.
maybe what i'm thinking is all wrong.
i just can't get things right.
fucked-up work.

2009-02-19T03:51:00.002+08:00

i don't know why. but i felt as if i was under lots of stress.
every night i just couldn't get to sleep.
like the previous night.
i forced myself to sleep.
laid on the bed but i cant sleep.
1 hour of tossing and turning.
i wonder how long more can i handle this.

losing control of memory and temper.
i just keep forgetting things.
for the don't know how many times.
i lost my key.
flared up at work today. made sarcastic remarks.
i just hope this whole thing will just get over.

mad world. crazy me.

2009-02-18T03:02:00.001+08:00

into the times when everything goes slow.

step by step, into every other things.
more changes coming ahead.
what will i be.
mad world.
i fell in love with this song.
i just love it.

2009-02-09T12:07:00.002+08:00

stressssssssssssssssssssssss.

fucked up work.
8 more months to go.
endure!!!!!

maybe i should just change another job.
i wonder what else suits me.
but 1 thing i sure know.
i love to make people happy.
we shall see.

2009-02-07T12:06:00.004+08:00

i kind of getting used to it.

2009-02-05T22:58:00.001+08:00

bad day.
jeff's gf came to pick him up after work.
somehow i just felt so envious.
forget it.
just go and sleep.
i will forget the next day.

2009-02-04T02:35:00.001+08:00

it just seems forever for the next day to come.

running and running, hoping the breeze will take me away.

2009-02-03T03:09:00.002+08:00

to tell the truth.
i'm still not used to all these changes.
but there's nothing i can do and only to accept it.
i felt like a ship that had lost its direction with no land in sight,
not knowing when and where it will reach ashore.
when living is just for the sake of living.
what's the purpose.
i rather live for the ones i love, doing the things i like.
profession or passion.
my chef always tells me about them.
perhaps he thinks i'm not suited for this industry.
cause i myself felt i've been stuck in the middle.
kenneth, when will you be truly enlighten?

i chose my path.
i saw the trees, the flowers, the beautiful everything.
i thought this is it.
but still things changes,
there are days and there are nights.
there are rain and there are shine.
however it just seems like the rain and the nights were forever.
i'm still waiting for my sunshine.
as i count the seconds, minutes, hours and days.

2009-02-02T03:20:00.002+08:00

after soooooooooo long.
i finally get to know what she is thinking. from her friend.
i wonder if she still reads my blog.
but still i just want her to know.
whatever she like or dont like, pls tell me.
relationship is not only abt feelings for each other.
it's also communication.
no one will know what u are thinking abt.
and dont assume they will know cos no one does.
only by communicating then we can understand more abt each other.
this is the only thing i request from you.

met up with some of my old friends today.
had a long chat abt the past and future.
abt relationship and plans.
different people do have different thinking and opinions abt being in a relationship.
some looking for gf as their wife.
and others a gf as a gf.
different expectations.
therefore i still think communication is damn important.
in anywhere anyplace.
family friends relationship.
communication is the only way we can understand each other.

lastly i apologise if u think i've been too sticky.
it has been too stressful for me at work.
i just wanted to find someone to talk to, to share my feelings.
and of cos i would look for my gf first.
i didnt know it had eaten into ur private space.
thank god. i finally get to know it.
however i wonder if i can still salvage this relationship.
i hope i can.
my apologies. SORRY.

2009-02-01T13:08:00.002+08:00

i really just wonder what happened.
but no one is able to tell me anything.
even her.

i guess im a terrible person after all.
a person hard to get people to open out to me.
failure thats what i call.
damn fking failure.
close to 21 years of living.
life's still a big fked-up mess.

i dont know how long more do i have to wait.
december 14. everything changes just after that day.
i just it's still my problem.
after all, it has always been.
just tell me what happened.
i've prepared for the worst.

2009-01-20T02:28:00.002+08:00

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.
Every time you're near I feel like I'm in heaven, feeling high
I don't want to let go, girl.
I just need you to know girl.

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms.

Here tonight

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.
Everytime you're near I feel like I'm in heaven, feeling high.
I don't want to let go, girl.I just need you you to know girl.

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms.

I don't want to run away, I want to stay forever, through time and time.
No promises

I don't wanna run away, I don't wanna be alone
No Promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, now and forever my love

No promises

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms
Here tonight.
-------------------------------------

life just felt so much better.
maybe that's cause i'm not thinking too much anymore.
thoughts wander, but they just remain as it is.
chinese new year.
things will get much better.
calmness. is all that i feel in my heart.

spend my whole day at home today.
offday. caught up with some old friends.
did want to go out.
but most of them were not free.
eat sleep watch movie play game.
doing things i used to do before.
but it just ain't the same anymore.
people change.
u change i change.

" I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you "

2009-01-17T12:16:00.001+08:00

i'm crazy.
i'm crazy.
i'm crazy.
i'm crazy.
i'm crazy.

damn all the stupid thoughts.
haha. it's over!
no more no more.
i lead another life.

2009-01-15T01:55:00.001+08:00

damn tired.
but i don't feel like sleeping now.
i really felt like closing myself up.
hide in my room,
on my bed.
no one will look for me anyway.
blah.
stupid thought.

2009-01-14T00:23:00.002+08:00

那一条牙膏再对我傻笑
嘲笑我永远用不掉
想睡就睡想闹就闹
好快乐少了人捞叨

蓝色的碗盘多买了一套
我忘了没人陪我通宵
要多少替代的丑角
无辜的陪笑
才会让我能真的忘了你的好

我在搞笑藉着热闹掩盖着心跳
边哭边笑偏要说着一个人真好
当人群散了
突然觉得我可以死掉
我受不了

还在搞笑害怕回家不知怎麽熬
这麽多年早就喜欢有你的撒娇
我想我能熬
但是至少要让我知道你好不好

我们的小狗食量变好小
眼神裏常常显得无聊
它习惯睡觉的床位
少了一双脚
所以它常常看着门口睡不着
我在搞笑藉着热闹掩盖着心跳
边哭边笑偏要说着一个人真好
当人群散了
突然觉得我可以死掉
我受不了

我在搞笑却在最后眼泪拼命掉
你的离开失去多少我计算不了
忙完了一天
突然觉得又何必辛劳
对谁炫耀

还在搞笑是否拥有麻痹的疗效
唱一夜歌却避不开催泪的曲调
我这夜胡闹希望听到有人会提到你好不好

2009-01-13T01:19:00.002+08:00

night after night, i just kept having the same dream.
and everytime when i tried to hug you,
everything just disappears.
just like how i destroyed what i once had.
i blamed myself once but i realised it won't help in anything.
i don't know what else i can do.
i don't know what else i have to do.
i just tried my best to stay happy, keep smiling,
hoping all these will just go away and return to how it's like before.
but somehow i think it's just my own wishful thinking.

i counted the days,
i counted the time,
i counted every moments we were once in b4.
patiently, patiently.
still waiting.

2009-01-11T02:18:00.002+08:00

working in a kitchen is so damn fun.
it's totally different from other working places.
we scold each other, fuck each other.
and we call that team bonding.
but it's just totally true.
we joke around, point out each other mistakes.
that includes even the chef.
but of cause with some respect.
in this kitchen, i found back the feeling of going to work everyday.
we help each other, tiring but felt worth it.
during this past month, i created a fucking big mess in my life.
my family, my relationship.
big fuck. yes, so big that till now i can't clean up the mess.
my family now still not so bad. but her.
i just felt so different.
i miss the days where i get to disturb her or so called "bully"
and she trys to do the same back to me.
but i doubt i will ever have it back.
but nevermind, as long as the relationship is stable.
work is now a big part of me.
it just help me cover up all the things i don't wish to think about.
work and work, slogging my ass off.
i'm just afraid one day i will tired myself out.
but i don't think that day will come.
no matter how tired i am. i still have 5 hours of sleep and just enough to keep me going.
i bet she doesn't knows how happy i was that she was back.
i bet she doesn't knows how much i miss her this few days.
some might say it's just a few days only, don't be silly.
but to me, it's different when i intend to give my everything into this relationship.
that's how i love someone.

i'm just a person who keeps learning things through mistakes.
how much did i gain from learning, or i lost more making the mistakes.
if i didn't fail in poly, i will never gone to shatec.
if i didn't go to shatec, i will never learn much about the outside world,
i will never work part time in baden.
if i never work in baden, i will never get to know her.
4 years. i brought my life over to a world i never ever thought i would be in.
4 years. i tried to find myself.
4 years. i tried to redeem myself.
i've no idea why i wrote so much in this post.
but i just want to keep writing.
i don't want to bottle up my feelings anymore.
i felt so heavy inside.
so tired.
so tired.

i just hope she doesn't treat me so coldly anymore.
my heart can't take it.
it freezes me so hard that a single knock will break it into many pieces.

2009-01-08T04:43:00.002+08:00

离乡背井已经多年
人不轻狂枉费少年
伤痕累累毫无作为
依然装作潇洒一回

日以继夜无法入睡
所有疲惫映入眼帘
暮然回首细数伤口
我问自己还能撑多久

回家的路走的太遥远看也看不见
翻山越岭一天又一天你在哪一边
回家的路走的每一步感觉都孤独
回家的路走的好辛苦却好幸福
要不是当时的倔强如今也不会变这样
回家的路走的好辛苦却看不清楚
------------------

无论到哪还是家最舒服.
因为当时的倔强而照成的后果.
回家的路走的好辛苦却好幸福.

i was never alone.
i was just being too self-centered.
i only thought of myself and never those around me.
i hurt every single person who were concerned about me.
till today after i watched the show, i realised how i was like.
to those i deeply hurt,
I'm sorry.

2009-01-06T01:26:00.002+08:00

说过的错话做过的错事
这一辈子我都不想忘记
因为每一次都是对我的一个教训一段成长
我自认我不够成熟
因此造成了一个又一个伤心落泪
我知道做过的事无法洗去
但我会很努力很努力的去弥补

2009-01-05T17:43:00.002+08:00

黄子俊阿黄子俊
我真的觉得你很糟糕
你到底在想什么
一次又一次的不断伤害人
要不是当时的倔强如今也不会变这样...
要不是当时的倔强如今也不会变这样...
要不是当时的倔强如今也不会变这样...
要不是当时的倔强如今也不会变这样...
要不是当时的倔强如今也不会变这样...
要不是当时的倔强如今也不会变这样...
要不是当时的倔强如今也不会变这样...
要不是当时的倔强如今也不会变这样...

你真是个彻底的白痴.
烂人废物王八蛋.

2009-01-05T04:34:00.001+08:00

i just want everything back to normal.

2009-01-04T22:33:00.002+08:00

原来一切都是我的错
想不到想了三个星期就是这样的结果
我想我也许要点时间好好去反省

2009-01-03T00:27:00.002+08:00

一天天的过了
第三个星期
你对我也一天比一天的冷淡
当我问你你却说你很累
问你是否不开心你却叫我等待
要是时光能到流
最经我抽的烟越来越多
一不忙想到的就会是抽烟
是心情不好还是闷?

好的真的值得等待吗?
还是又是一次又一次的敷衍我
但我还是选择了等

2008-12-28T12:27:00.004+08:00

I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want,
in times of sickness and in times of health,
in times of joy and in times of sorrow,
in times of failure and in times of triumph.
I will cherish you, trust you,
laugh with you and cry with you,
love you through the good times and bad,
regardless of the obstacles we may face together,
and loving you more each day than i did before.
I promise to care and protect you,
to comfort and encourge you,
and stay with you till death do us part.

2008-12-16T22:50:00.001+08:00

why does it seems as if everything changes just after that stupid sunday.
i just wish it never happened.

2008-12-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

sorry... i am really sorry.
我又一次把你气哭在陌生街头
爱你...我当然爱你
自从第一眼到现在什至没人敢预测的将来
请你相信不是我不愿意改变我自已
而是一再努力又一再放弃那个软弱的自已
其实我恨透了我自已没有认输的勇气
让你受尽了不安和委屈
你是我这一生这一生最最最害怕去伤害到的人
也是我这一生这一生唯一能让我安定下来的人
虽然我并没有并没有并没有一身温纯的灵魂
但是我很愿意很愿意做那个永远照顾你的人
我的爱人请听我有颗不善言语的心
只能够看着你远处的背影
-------------------------

i cried...

2008-11-30T02:33:00.002+08:00

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
You're all I need my love my Valentine

All of my life I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And shown me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn't love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
Cause all I need is you, my Valentine
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine
-----------------
this song was from my silly girl.
the girl which made me felt so special.
the girl which is so silly to buy a teddy bear just because she miss me.

i'm sorry, dear.
i'm not able to accompany you often.
but i'll make sure i'll be there when you needed me the most.
i can't tell you how much, how many times i miss you everyday.
i can't tell you how happy i was, to see you, to hug you.
i can't tell you how tough it was to countdown to my offday, just to accompany you for that day.
i can only tell you i'm working very hard towards our future.

i'm falling.
falling deep in a river called love.
with this silly little girl.
and this is how i say,

2008-11-21T03:28:00.003+08:00

虽然是简单的形容
虽然是重复的动作
因为有你
让一切都变成不平凡

好想缝合你我手心
就这样牵着不开
有你陪伴
呼吸着有你的空气
就是幸福

ti amo te quiero
每一天都要爱上你
想着你沉入梦境
一张眼一清醒
第一个想到又是你

sarang hae and i love you
我每天都要爱上你
少一天就会遗憾
陪着你的光阴
怎样都不算蹉跎
-------------

一个简单的歌就把心里所有的话都说了出来.
有了你, 我的生命多了色彩.
有了你, 空气里只有幸福.
每天醒来, 第一个想到的一定是你.
不管是不是少了一天, 就算少了一秒没爱你都会遗憾.
因为我就是那么的爱你.
-------------

she went back to the doctor today.
it never get any better.
checkup in hospital on wed.
i know she is scared.
i know she is worried.
even though she never says anything.
but i know it.
she doesn't want me to be worried about her.
silly little girl.
requested for off next wed to accompany her.
i want to show her i will be there for her.
no matter what happens, she will never be alone.
because you are the colour in my life.
with you, there's only happiness.
and only you, i love...

2008-11-15T07:01:00.002+08:00

我一直在寻找,
可爱的微笑,
今天终于让我找到.
你有特别的味道,
让我神魂颠倒.
我们手牵手,
沙滩走一走,
只要跟你在一起就足够.
我只有一个要求,
就是要对你好,
永远不让你流泪,
永远都不让你心碎,
希望你相信我.

words from part of the lyrics,
words which i wanted to tell my little girl.

she told me she cried after reading my previous entry.
she wrote in her blog that seeing medicine makes her felt like she is leaving.
she had been strong.
i knew it all along.
i told her she was being silly, i just want to share her burdens and pain.
i'm writing in my blog to tell her that she is my medicine for life.
i want to see her everyday.
without her, i would have no motivation in life.
you gave me the strength to work hard.
you gave me hope to never give up.
it's my turn to give you my strength and the hope to never give up.

2008-11-14T03:29:00.002+08:00

it's just so heart-breaking to see her suffering.
yea. she might not be suffering from any terminal sickness.
but still it had been tough for her.
having fever every now and then.
breathing difficulties.
not able to eat the things she like.
it had been nearly 2 weeks.
i don't even think i can last for a day or 2.
plus all the medications.
who likes them.
how i wish i could share her pain.

all i could do is be there for her, trying my best to make her happy.
i feel so useless...

2008-11-10T04:50:00.002+08:00

damn. i think i got a 6hour lag time.
normally, people wake up at 6,
start work at 8, end at 5,
sleep at 10.
i wake up at 12.
start work at 2, end at 10.
and sleep at 4am.
i'm freaking weird.

2008-11-09T23:53:00.002+08:00

didn't wanted to update.
but my little girl is bored at home,
and since she's sick and can't go out.
i shall entertain her.
however i'm so lazy to blog, so i shall keep this short.

lots of events during this one month since we left school.
out of intercon. back in to les amis.
work is fun but tiring.
well. i actually learnt more.

2008-10-21T19:17:00.001+08:00

useless fool.

2008-10-16T03:56:00.002+08:00

what am i.
i just wanna give everything up and start all over again.

just few days back.
i found this girl.
i wish it was her.
hopefully it's her.

2008-10-02T02:39:00.002+08:00

i hate nights.
lonely nights.
it just makes minds start to wander...

does anyone knows the feeling of,
not knowing where to go.
no idea of what to do.
doing all the wrong things.

i thought i found my answer.
but it had once again become a question.
why cant things just come to an end.
just let me sleep and never wake up.

2008-09-30T05:07:00.002+08:00

i hate the days when i don't know what i doing.
again, i over played.
damnit.
i shouldn't have done it.

F1's over.
2 more days till attachment starts.
i don't like my life now.
it totally sucks.

why does those who i like ignore me,
and those who don't just stick to me.
this is so ******up

2008-09-19T02:13:00.002+08:00

always square one.

she still likes him.
she's still crying over him.
i just wonder what else can i do.
it has been almost a month.
well.
i just have to stay on.

wondering if she knows it.
my instinct says no.
wondering what happens if someone told her.
my instinct says i don't know.
i lack the experience.

2008-09-18T01:38:00.002+08:00

exams,
wasn't hard at all.
hopefully.
last 5 papers.

finding meaning in life.
understanding philosophies.
seen some friends done stupid things.
going crazy about girls.
but once again.
what have i learnt?

smiling to myself yet shaking my head.
i don't know what i had learnt.
it just changes me, the way i am.

if you asked me again.
all i could say is.
i learnt not to resist.

2008-09-15T03:30:00.002+08:00

今天的心情非常不好, 我也不知道是为了什么.
难道是因为她吗?
看到她因为和他男朋友分手而这么伤心难过导致生病, 我感到非常的心痛.
这一个月以来我很想很想对她表明我的爱意,
但又怕增加她的负担.
她现在所最我的忽冷忽热, 我已经快受不了了.
我感到好累好累.

我今天试着哭出来, 但连一滴都哭不出.
心里好闷好闷, 简直就要爆掉一样.
好难过.

no matter what, i still will stay by her side.

2008-09-06T07:16:00.002+08:00

i think i got too deep in.

if that stupid thing didnt happen.
all the following stuffs wont have happened.
but what did i get now.
unreturned msges. left-outs.

one-sided love is just so fucked-up.
but that's what i chose.
cos now.
i love her more than anything else.

2008-09-03T22:05:00.002+08:00

have you ever felt like crying and smiling at the same time.
but things just happens into this way.

2008-09-03T06:05:00.003+08:00

i think i gonna die later in class.
didnt sleep again.
was making a birthday cake for her.
and touching up on the project.

damn. i think i need to do make cheesecakes at home.
i'm taking longer and longer time to complete a cake.
anyway. i've completed =)
waiting for it to set. but i only left 1 1/2 hrs.
just hope the freezer works well.

it may be tough.
but it's my choice.
i just want to do my part.
to make her happy.
X X X X X X X
3 more years to think damn hard.
if not it will be confirmed that i will be going to australia.

2008-08-30T14:53:00.002+08:00

maybe you didn't know.
but every word was just like a sharp knife,
that pierces deeply into my heart.

2008-08-29T03:43:00.003+08:00

i just can't stop loving her.
every words, every action.

congrats. intercont chef.
2 more weeks till exams.
time to stay focus.
projects due next week.
and her birthday too. =)
i just hope everything succeeds.
i've been planning.

it's your smile that brightens my everyday.

2008-08-27T22:11:00.001+08:00

there's still lots to do.

数到五答应我

第一次看着你就为你心动聪明的我怎能让你走
第二次看见你我竟然失控是我的错请你原谅我
第三次看见你想要告诉你我真的爱你是真的爱你
第四次看着你我有些要求请你能够安安静静的聆听
一.让我保护你
二.让我照顾你
三.所有的要求不能当作游戏
四.接受这命运
五.永远不分离
那最后一个一定要说你愿意
I wanna be your lover I wanna be your man
我只要你开心多一点
can you be my lover don't wanna be your friend
给你幸福到永远

2008-08-26T00:09:00.003+08:00

what makes a good chef.
what makes me so special to be a good chef.
the prologue.

i just felt like giving up already.
but how can i when i told others not to.
3 more weeks to attachment.
even if i lasted through 3 weeks.
how about that 1 year.

whatever. just a step at a time.
one by one. forsaking everything.

2008-08-23T04:08:00.002+08:00

how much do you understand yourself.
is cooking your passion.
know yourself well to win others.

every words were just repeats of statements of others during the past 1 year.
do i know myself.
is cooking my passion?
i enjoy cooking. but is that what i really wanted.
soul-searching.

so many questions that can't be answered.
thinking.

2008-08-21T01:18:00.002+08:00

damn sian.
have to find new hotels again.

i don't like this feeling.
why does it happen over and over again.
fucking just get over it.
wake up.
bang against the damn wall and wake up.

there's just too much to learn.
i regretted growing up too slow.

"before you start learning, understand the philosophy"
that's what he said.

2008-08-19T00:31:00.002+08:00

well.
i guess it just takes time.
lots of time.

i chose this path.
i dont want to turn back again.
anyway. time for me to go is getting near.
3 more years.

The Sentosa Resort and Spa called again.
to meet the chef on wednesday.
hope i get through.
damn tired to go for interview and interview.
just let it go my way please.

2008-08-18T03:35:00.000+08:00

it's always like that.
always gone when i needed them the most.
internet's down again.
shall blog in notepad then update tml.

current mood is fucked-up.
i thought i could bring some back chatting online.
well. whatever.
i really felt super super tired already.
it has come to a point where the previous me would have just give up on everything.
but i can't bear to do it now.
i've put too much effort within this one year.f
rom the point i met the first her,
till we broke off, entered shatec.
met another her. gave it all for studies.
then getting good grades.
i could have say i had gave everything i could.
i m tired.
my resolve had weaken.
yet there's no chance for a breather.
how i wish there was a few days to get everything out of my head.
too much things happened during the recent week.
i never thought of this third her.
didn't know when. but the feeling just came.
everything changes.
and i expected something to happen.
every single time.when things began to run smoothly for me.

now i'm waiting for tuesday.

2008-08-16T11:40:00.001+08:00

忘了是怎么开始
也许就是对你
有一种感觉
忽然间发现自己
已深深爱上你
真的很简单
爱得地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法决择
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我

i love you 无法不爱着你
说你也爱我
i love you 永远不愿意baby
失去你
不可能更快乐
只要能在一起
做什么都可以
虽然世界变个不停
用最真诚的心
让爱变得简单
爱得地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法决择
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我

i love you 我一直在这里
一直在爱你
i love you 永远都不放弃
这爱你的权利
如果你还有一些困惑
请贴着我的心倾听
听我说着爱你
yes i do
i love you

2008-08-16T03:38:00.001+08:00

every minute wait just seems like a few thousand years.

What am I supposed to do with all these blues
Haunting me everywhere
No matter what i do
Watching the candle flicker out
In the evening glow
I can't let go, when will that night be over

I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by
Phantom ships, lost at sea
Well one of them is mine
Raising my glass I sing a toast to the midnight sky
I wonder why the stars don't seem to guide me

The ghost of you and me
When will it set me free
I hear the voices call
Following footsteps down the hall
Trying to save what's left of my heart and soul
Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I can't let go
When will this night be over

2008-08-15T01:23:00.003+08:00

i never liked to smoke.
i never liked drinking.
yet i kept smoking and drinking.

so what if i liked her.
i'm nothing compared to him.
not because he is way better than me.
but just that.
she loved him.
he's far more important to her than me.
i was just another friend that only appeared 2 months ago.
i just wonder if you will feel heartache if you heard how hard she cried because of you.
if you don't, just leave her.
if you do, please don't make her sad anymore.
no matter what.
i just wish to see her happy again.
i miss her smile, her laughter, that cute little face that never fails to cheer me up.
the day she had been waiting for.
just hours till she get her answer.
to break up or to make up?

2008-08-13T14:18:00.003+08:00

damn bored now.
seriously life sucks.
my feeling is fucked up.
currently at bryan's house.
nothing to do.
keep thinking of her.
moody.
helpless.
how i hope friday will pass soon.
at least there's an answer for her.
at least she won't be so sad.
at least i know what i can do.

2008-08-13T01:14:00.006+08:00

i thought.

i still like her.
but after all this that happened to u.
i felt so much for u.
i never wanted this to happen.
i just wanted it to be just like best of friends, brother and sister.
yet.
fate outplayed me.
now i'm left stuck in the middle.
my heart and thoughts are all messed up right now.
when i heard u cried today when u called me abt ur bf,
my heart sank. it hurt me so much to hear u sad.
seriously. i had no mood for lessons.
i just wanted.
to rush down to find u.
when lessons finally ended and i rushed down.
the moment i heard from u how important he is to u,
it felt like the whole sky had fallen.
but nevertheless i just want to try my best to make u laugh, make u smile.
i'm feeling so fucked-up now. lost.

went to had a drink with scott.
chatted for an hour.
nothing much came out.
just overflowing problems.
if only life could be like prehistoric times.
hunt and get hunted.
to survive or to die.
but too much had been added in now.

a heart that went dead 5 hours ago.

2008-08-12T00:55:00.002+08:00

bleah..
i can't remember what else i did during this long weekend.
all i remembered was working and working.
perhaps that's how life is during attachment?

somehow. i just feel there will be another big change in life soon.
maybe.......